KeepRightOnline's second week of Friday Propaganda brings to you the 2007 Saatchi and Saatchi Labour advert promoting not the Labour Party, or policies, or acheivements, or aspirations... but just a man in a cheap suit on a bad hair day.
Perhaps readers can clarify something for us. Was this supposed to be pro or anti Brown?
[caption id="" align="aligncenter" width="385" caption="Not flash, just boring"][/caption]
This week as many of you may already know, Former Birmingham University Conservative Future President Dan O Doherty was expelled from the Conservative Party for allegedly wearing a Hitler moustache to a fancy dress party- and then posting a picture of said incident on Facebook. Right, so that's the gist of what's happened- but let's take a moment to analyse the circumstances surrounding this unfortunate incident.
Comments on the article posted on Conservative Home yesterday decried the CF 'Thought Police' while Party Officials are said to have contacted Mr. Doherty to criticize his actions and expel him from the party. That won't be the end of Dan, however. We all know Matt Lewis, of Maddygate fame is said to be active once again in the Conservative Party- for shame I say, but not for the shame of the action, more the shame of the lack of judgement of the individual.
Perhaps one might have felt that no longer being in an executive position within BUCF, he could get away with doing these things? Perhaps it was an alcohol-fuelled student error, which is not a strange thing to happen in an organisation with an average age of 18. True or false, when you're in these societies, in these positions and representing and national political party (on any scale) you need to watch it. WATCH IT. Let it be a message to the lot of us.
Quoted as saying, "I don't hate everyone, I just hate women" and known for once defending Enoch Powell's, "Rivers of Blood," speech and then later seeming to backtrack on his endorsement, Mr. Doherty is not a malicious or racist individual, but one perhaps lacking the media savvy and what one might call Diplomacy 2.0 skills.
So once again, Conservative Future is learning lessons- as if the organisation wasn't without it's problems before. KeepRightOnline suggests that right now is the time for strong leadership for CF, and for decisive action to be taken in asking the members if they really have what it takes to represent the Conservative Party proper (this is no reflection on Mr. Doherty). Perhaps some are looking for a title, some are looking for networking or drinking buddies, most of us however, are in it for the good. The good of the party, good of our communities and the good of the country.
Let's KeepRight, people.
Update 26/05/09: Daniel O'Doherty has since commented that the statements made on his Facebook profile, specifically those regarding the hatred of women were in fact satirical and taken from a television show, whilst other quotes in the same vein were friend's quotes, listed in a tongue-in-cheek manner. This blog has, since the original story broke- maintained confidence in Mr. O'Doherty.
The Times this morning has reported that up to 325 MPs will be replaced in the run up to a General Election this year (or next), with up to 90 being voted out and perhaps 230 resigning. That's some good maths, Rupert.
How many ever should choose to go with dignity, or go with democracy- the question must be raised, "Just how many MPs do we need?" The US House of Representatives administers a population six times that of the United Kingdom, with just 435 members. We have 646. Many may argue that this is possible due to the powers that local authorities in the US have, and that's another argument. Safe to say that it works, though- and a more "Direct Democracy" would go a long way in our fair country.
Hannan and Carswell illustrate in the The Plan how an enlarged Commons only serves to shaft the taxpayer, as this bloats the executive with too many portfolios, unnecessary legislation and MPs clutching at straws to justify their salaries.
"As long as most MPs want to be ministers, Parliament will be a creature of the majority Whips, and will fail in it's chief function, namely to hold the government to account... We should create more opportunities for parliamentary advancement, so that it again becomes possible to have an honourable career as a parliamentarian without aspiring to ministerial office."
Here's a new feature we're trying out boys and girls. Every Friday we'll attempt to bring you an interesting piece of campaigning material from across the board. That's right- we're acheiving cross party support... maybe. It's Friday Propaganda!
Today we've chosen to display a wonderful Conservative Future concoction, depicting the Labour government as a enslaving leviathan, hell bent on keeping Britiain under the thumb. The image does well to illustrate that this government has been perpetuating the same insult to liberty and personal responsibility for 12 years.
After the government finally admitted defeat and climbed down from their indefensible position over admitting Gurkhas this morning, Joanna Lumley, friend of ex-servicemen par excellence, gushed:
I would like to pay tribute to Gordon Brown the Prime Minister, a brave man who has made today a brave decision on behalf of the bravest of the brave.
In yet another not so shocking twist- it seems New Labour/Old Labour/Brown Labour have dealt a smashing blow rather than planting the seeds to give way to the green shoots of recovery to the British economy once more.
- Public sector net borrowing rose to £8.46bn this April compared to £1.84bn in the same month last year - Standard and Poors have said Government debt could reach 100% of GDP by 2013 - Triple-A rated Government bonds at risk
The Budget Deficit- Tamed under the Tories, Nuts under New Labour... [caption id="" align="aligncenter" width="466" caption="Oh Darling, Oh Darling, Oh Darling..."][/caption]
Strangely tucked away in an article on the BBC Technology page today was a sly reference at what one Gavin Ogden from www.c&vg.com might do given the opportunity to face-map on upcoming Xbox computer games.
"There was talk, a long time ago, about mapping people's faces on to characters," said Mr Ogden.
"However, there were concerns that people would stick real faces on it - such as Gordon Brown - and then spend all day shooting them. The world wasn't ready for that."
I guess that means we're ready for it now! I must confess- I've been picturing Gordo's head on the body of a grunt for a long, long time. Pass the Gravity Hammer.
See National Review Online for a hilarious review of the first hundred days of the presidency of Sarah Palin:
The first 100 days of the Palin presidency, according to a consensus of media commentators, have proven a near disaster. Perhaps it was Palin’s scant two years’ experience in a major government position that has eroded her gravitas, or maybe it was her flirty reliance on looks and informal chit-chat. In any case, the press has had a field day, and it is hard to see how President Palin can ever recover from the Quayle/potatoe syndrome. Here is a roundup of this week’s pundit mockery.
Guess the promise of 'change' from the first female President didn't quite pan out. Does that sound about right? You betcha.
Today, David Cameron launched the Conservative Party's official petition calling on Prime Minister Gordon Brown to call a General Election so that the public may express their views via the most reliably quantifiable method; a free and democratic vote. Sign below if you agree. We sure have.
Far be it from us here at KeepRightOnline to scrutinize the government's plans to have us all exist primarily on one massive MS Excel sheet [/endsarcasm] (because let's face it; no one in the public sector knows any better)- but this is truly shocking and diabolically dangerous to say the least.
The new ContactPoint database was launched today, after many delays due to security concerns and the realisation that it may not do anything at all with regard to it's primary purpose of, "enabling the delivery of coordinated support for children and young people"
At a cost of £224m, and following several disatrous government data losses, which experts at Deloitte say, can 'never be totally secure'- why do we continue to label, log and list the details of individuals, to no apparent gain- and every apparent risk?
[caption id="attachment_286" align="aligncenter" width="229" caption="What they will know..."][/caption]
This morning on KeepRightOnline, we've decided to pay tribute to an already shining, but nonetheless still rising star within The Conservative Party.
It must be outlined, that this Member of Parliament, elected after his predecessor stood down over questionable housing claims in 2005, who subsequently increased the majority for the Conservative Party in Windsor, has not once claimed a Second Homes Allowance, and doesn't even claim travel costs. This man is a fine example of everything that can and should be right with our Members of Parliament, and we here at KeepRightOnline congratulate him for doing such a bang up job.
- Voted a mixture of for and against a transparent Parliament. - Voted very strongly against introducing a smoking ban. - Voted very strongly against introducing ID cards. - Voted moderately against Labour's anti-terrorism laws. - Voted very strongly for an investigation into the Iraq war. - Voted very strongly for replacing Trident. - Has answered 118 of 135 questions submitted to him by constituents
Expenses
So thank you Adam, for being so sound. KeepRightOnline salutes you.
This week, KeepRightOnline welcomes to its pages, Miss Serene John-Richards, 21. Studying Economics with East European Studies at UCL, she is also the Universities Officer for London CF and works part time as a pupil supervisor. Take it away Serene...
[caption id="attachment_267" align="alignright" width="164" caption="Serene John-Richards, London CF"][/caption]Is our political system really doomed? "Yes!" I hear you say, "Politicians only help themselves. Our economy is beyond repair, it's the end of capitalism!" Are people frantically twittering in the vain hope of warning Jesus of the looming apocalypse?
People are angry, yes. People are fed up with poor value for money, and are realising that their votes don't count for much, what with 85% of our laws coming from Europe and what not.
But hang on. Hasn't Egypt's Hosni Mubarak been president since 1981? And I'm pretty sure they've postponed Habeas Corpus until the state of emergency is deemed not quite so grave. Don't even get me started on Iran and even our friends in America, the blueprint of democracy, until recently sent people to Guantanamo Bay. And contrary to the exotic name, we're not sipping sangria: I can tell you that.
Our politicians are clearly a fairly relaxed breed. The heavy burden of constituency dinners, case work, trips abroad, and long weeks of recess can be testing. Are they now simply glorified social workers? I wonder if the blame really does rest in our politicians or indeed in us: the electorate.
There is little doubt that, thanks to the Labour Government, we've become a blame society: rarely taking any responsibility ourselves and some even miss the 'good old days, when Council officers would flip my mattress'. No jokes.
Change comes from within. There is no doubt that Obama's powerful message of change earned him the presidency. Although, will he in time tire of dragging a rather large sack of potatoes, and realise that his offer of change does not mean the people themselves have changed?
It is our job to campaign and to hold politicians to account, as well as to engage with our fellow voters. Politicians can't do it, unless it's more of Hannan and less of our dear PM on YouTube. We are a democracy, and have all the necessary tools at our disposal. It is up to us, therefore, to dictate its agenda.
Pity poor UKIP trying to make a party political broadcast. Try to see if you can tell what's missing. Other than graphics and music and Nigel Farage with his eyes open, that is.
Women! It doesn't have a single female voice - hardly something that's going to win over floating voters. And who could blame them? UKIP's a cockfest.
The newly-relaunched blog Liberal Vision is trying to make the 'Liberal' in the Liberal Democrats' name worth something by promoting that most valuable of inventions: liberty.
They look like they mean it: linking to the TPA, Von Mises Institute, Cato, and the Libertarian Alliance is frigging sound! Just one problem: they're still Lib Dems. We laud Liberal Vision's attempts to turn the Lib Dems into anything but a populist and bearded LabourLite, and take it back to its historical roots.
But if they're really serious about promoting freedom there's already a party for them. It's called the Conservatives.
While not attempting to deflect attention away from the under-fire Tories today, it has coming to our attention at KeepRightOnline that perhaps the whole expenses situation needs to be brought into perspective.
- Our government paid £57million in benefits to dead people in 2006. - More than £4bn is lost to bureaucracy every year.
- £4bn net contribution to the European Common Agricultural Policy.
The list goes on. So why are we so enamoured with the stories of Members of Parliament claiming £2000 on their gardening, or £6000 on cleaning costs? Is it the accrued cost? Surely not. Even after 1000 years of Gordon Brown's cleaning bills the NHS would have poured more money into the NPfIT scheme.
Is it then perhaps, the cheek of it all? How dare these civilians charge the taxpayer for their luxuries and silver spoons? Well, possibly the same way they dare to be so liberal with your money in any situation.
I'm not saying the Conservatives are faultless here; we've seen that proved wrong today. But special emphasis must be placed on the facts;
1) The Tory claims leaked this morning were no where near as scandalous as the Labour minister's claims of last week(Updated 27th May 2009 - All parties were equally guilty)
2) A Conservative government would most definitely be more financially astute than the current.
Whatever you do think Mr and Mrs Taxpayer, make sure you get out on June 4th and make your voice heard.
Late last night, the Telegraph reported details on the Tory expenses situation, laying down Michael Gove, Andrew Lansley, Alan Duncan, David Willetts, Oliver Letwin, Francis Maude, Chris Grayling and Cheryl Gillan as potential offenders in this debacle.
David Cameron has announced his feelings on the matter, that all MPs should apologise for their misdemeanours- but to what end? An apology is welcome, but a solution it is not. Mind you, it's a good move from the Labour lot who refuse to apologise and hide behind their futile cries that, "It's in the rules!"
We suggest a swift reform in this case, but it can't stop at Parliamentary expenses, the whole system is broken. Once upon a time Britain was an examplar of anti-corruption (believe it or not) and to return to those days would empower both ministers and the electorate once more.
Or, perhaps, in ex-whip James Gray's case, self-flagellate or be flayed by the public. It takes a peculiarly callous man to claim parliamentary expenses on wreaths laid on Remembrance Sunday. As Donal Blaney points out, this is the same man that cheated on his wife, whilst she had cancer, with another married woman. But 'at least' that was nothing to do with public policy. This is another kettle of putrid, rotting fish: and it stinks.
[caption id="attachment_242" align="aligncenter" width="300" caption="The man on the left is definitely not in the right."][/caption]
The Conservative Party membership prides itself on treating our fighting men and women with the utmost respect. That is vindicated by the party's long-standing policies, which seek to treat them as the heroes that they are. James Gray is an ex-Territorial and the chairman of the All-Party Parliamentary Group for the Army, and he has betrayed not only our service personnel, but the membership that thought he held the same values as we do.
Perhaps this is a damning indictment of the way that we honour our veterans and fallen more generally. We have seen a number of homecoming parades, but only after disgraceful scenes in Luton back in March. Meanwhile, some politicians seem to treat Remembrance Sunday as a way of getting into the local paper - even discounting Gray's expenses claims, how sincere can someone that goes to three services be?! Conservative Future members that volunteer for the Poppy Appeal could teach them a thing or two.
This issue has come up before, so KeepRightOnline will be more charitable with James Gray than Blaney, Iain Dale, or ConservativeHome. Tomorrow morning, Gray should make a grovelling (and we mean grovelling) apology, repay the taxpayer for his previous expenses, and announce his resignation from politics at the next election - or, if he prefers the embarrassment, a re-selection battle that he'll lose.
Moreover, he should put his money where his mouth is and give all income he earns (and expenses he doesn't earn, but claims anyway) over the next year straight to the Royal British Legion that he claims to support so charitably. That way, at least the servicemen and women that he offended by this get to see him make the financial commitment that he should have made in the first place. If he doesn't do this, withdrawal of the whip will be the least of his worries.
If he cannot get behind our troops, he should feel free to get in front of them.
While Labour continue to embarrass themselves, day in and day out- here at KeepRightOnline, we thought, "Why not make a quick little video to illustrate just why we're the best choice for a future government?"
Excuse the lack of everyone we wanted to include here... safe to say this won't be our last video!
(Thick Geordie voice-over man accent) Day 4386 (give or take). The Cabinet 'as been cheatin' on their expense claims. It's time for an eviction- but who goes?
YOU DECIDE. Vote below!
The nominees for eviction this week are...
Jack 'The Hack' Straw For receiving a 50% discount on his council tax and claiming the full amount back. . . .
David "Brains" Miliband For spending hundreds of taxpayer pounds on potted plants and gardening. . . .
Peter "Guess who's back" Mandelson For claiming thousands of pounds in expenses after resigning as an MP, then selling his constituency home at a personal profit of £136,000. .
Geoff "Buff" Hoon For switching his second home, allowing him to extensively improve his family home in Derbyshire before buying a London town house also funded by the taxpayer. .
Alistair "Ali D" Darling For changing his second home designation four times in as many years, and for crimes against nature... eyebrows... nuff said. . .
Andrew "Who?" Burnham (aka Andrew "Flog 'em and" Burnham) Bought flats/the freehold on a property he owns and for claiming stamp duty and other costs. Warned parliamentary authorities his wife might divorce him if expenses were not paid promptly.
Hazel "Chipmunk" Blears She claimed for three properties in one year and spent £5,000 on furniture in 3 months after buying a third flat in an 'upmarket' area in London. . . Gordon "Bailout" Brown Ringleader of the Labour posse- whose crimes include botching Britain's economy, blaming everyone else, paying £6,000 to his brother for cleaning and smiling like he's had a barium enema with a red hot poker.
The above quote, from the Telegraph today, reveals the shocking and too-far-gone state of the Cabinet's expenses under the leadership of one G. Brown.
Senor Brown, apparently has been siphoning £6,500 to his brother for shared 'cleaning services' while Jack Straw, David Miliband, Alistair Darling and so on and so forth are also under fire for this "systematic misappropriation"
[caption id="" align="aligncenter" width="268" caption="Brown under fire"][/caption]
Details courtesy of the Telegraph (more as this story unfolds)
* Jack Straw received a 50 per cent discount on his council tax from his local authority but claimed the full amount. He discovered the “mistake” last summer within weeks of the High Court ordering that MPs release details of their expenses. He has repaid the money.
* Lord Mandelson , the Business Secretary, claimed thousands of pounds to improve his constituency home after he had announced his resignation as an MP. He sold the property for a profit of £136,000.
* Hazel Blears , the Communities Secretary, claimed for three different properties in a single year. She spent almost £5,000 on furniture in three months after buying the third flat in an upmarket area of London.
* David Miliband, the Foreign Secretary, spent hundreds of pounds on gardening at his constituency home — leading his gardener to question whether it was necessary to spend the money on pot plants “given [the] relatively short time you’ll be here”.
* Alistair Darling, the Chancellor, changed his official “second home” designation four times in four years.
* Geoff Hoon, the Transport Secretary, also switched his second home, which allowed him to extensively improve his family home in Derbyshire before buying a London town house also funded by the taxpayer.
* Andy Burnham , the Culture Secretary, Caroline Flint, the Minister for Europe, and Paul Murphy, the Welsh Secretary, also bought flats — or the freehold on a property they already owned — and claimed stamp duty and other moving costs. Mr Burnham warned the parliamentary authorities that his wife might divorce him if expenses were not paid promptly.
With the latest brouhaha regarding second coming of Charles Clarke on the horizon, KeepRightOnline welcomes a guest piece from the blogger only to be known as Dean Swift of Hammersmith, who sets us right on what to expect from the Labour Party over the coming months. Over to you, Dean Swift.
Political consultations in Ancient Rome could involve official forecasters known as ‘haruspex’ whose task was to make predictions on the future of the state from the steaming livers of freshly sacrificed chickens and sheep. [caption id="" align="alignleft" width="184" caption="Is this Labour's new messiah?"][/caption]A cruel form of divination for sure. But assuredly as accurate a means of predicting the future as examining the torn and scattered innards of mobile phones and laser printers in the Downing Street bunker.
So what then are we unseasoned observers into the arcane rites of the Labour party’s leadership to make of the machinations of former Home Secretary Charles ‘Two Pizzas’ Clarke?
With electoral disaster in the June elections, publication of MPs expenses and some decision on the future of the Royal Mail slated, is it possible that the Parliamentary Labour Party could possibly make things any worse?
I think at this stage you don’t have to be Mystic Meg to predict that the usual combustible mix of greed to retain power and authority, inwardly directed savage anger and incomparable stupidity will answer that.
Matthew D’Ancona’s lead article in the Spectator sets out the latest scenario in which the ravenous supporter of relegated Norwich City, fresh from laying down a marker in the Mail on Sunday against Ed Balls (who ironically also follows Norwich) will put himself forward as a leadership candidate like an, er... canary down a coalmine.
And what are the likely outcomes from all this plotting? It will generate more heat, further rancour and greater disunity at Westminster and travel the airwaves and YouTube. But it will only succeed in making an already dire situation far, far worse.
For when it comes to taking decisive and ruthless action to cut the bully down to size, you can bet on the Labour PLP displaying another distinguishing characteristic of the canary. Yep. Yellow through and through as it flaps hopelessly against the wind into electoral oblivion.
Thanks, Dean Swift. Someone put this man on a tenner.
KeepRightOnline would like to take this opportunity to wish a very Happy 1st Birthday to Mr. Tory Bear, of Tory Bear fame. Many happy returns TB, and congrats on the 1000th post.
[caption id="attachment_169" align="aligncenter" width="300" caption="...and many more"][/caption]
You may have noticed we tend to bandy the words, "keep right," and "something ain't right," around quite a bit, as a kind of catchphrase here at KeepRightOnline. But today, never more have the words been truer that something is most definitely not right.
Today the United Kingdom takes another step towards the shackles of slavery under the watchful eye of Big Bro', with Manchester set to trial the government's wasteful, freedom-eroding ID card scheme by autumn this year. But we are not powerless.
A little rebellion every now and then is a good thing.
The scheme, which is being sneaked through with little justification besides the questionable references to the war on terror, is set to cost the taxpayer nigh on £6billion (and rising) and will leave you and I susceptible to the failures of this government and it's cronies to securely store and use the data they so illegitimately store on our personal and private lives.
Jacqui Smith is expected to tell the British public today that, "ID cards will deliver real benefits to everyone, including increased protection against criminals, illegal immigrants and terrorists." The editors at KeepRightOnline are certainly keen to wave their ID cards in the face of this lot in an attempt to thwart their maniacal plans.
So ladies and gents, let's open this one up to a vote... and in a shameless plug, send this link to friends and family to vote too. The more people we hear from, the more reliable the results, of course!
[caption id="" align="alignleft" width="200" caption="BUCF's Iron Lady"][/caption] KeepRightOnline congratulates new Birmingham University Conservative Future President Sahar Rezazadeh, and her incoming committee on their election victory last night. The motions were passed unanimously, with excellent speeches from all candidates, and a moving resignation speech from outgoing President Dan O'Doherty.
Recently, you may recall a guest post on Tory Bear by us here at KeepRightOnline. The piece, entitled 'Blogs are the new black', set out to compliment the centre-right bloggers out there, for their determined and almost 24/7 representation of our shared values.
What crosses my mind as I peruse the pages of the papers and browse the best of the blogs this morning is, where is it all going for us?
We've utilised this amazing new PR tool, accessing a whole new plethora of potential electorate, and have surely (as polls would suggest) helped to turn the tide of public opinion to the right. Brilliant. But what to do when a Conservative government sits in Whitehall?
Will the centre-right blogosphere descend into a party-line defence system, as the left rise up through nought but desperation? Will we serve to justify, legitimise and vindicate those who we currently propose as leadership, regardless of our personal views? Or will we be as critical in our daily rants as we are with the current government, should we feel the situation requires it?
It's a tricky situation we may find ourselves in and my contention is that come Cameron's government, the blogosphere may not only be the brilliant means to communicate that it is currently, but also the first line of defence against the left-leaning media who will be determined to make our boys into scapegoats for public expenditure cuts and social elitism.
If you are educated in this field you know we need to reduce spending and to encourage private investment - let's make sure our newly accessible public readership understand the same.
It's a lovely Sunday people, so feel free not to spend your evenings on the interwebs. But just on the off chance you are, does anyone feel like it's Groundhog Day for Labour?
But oh Gordon, you never were as slick as good ol' Tone. Who'd have the country would be gasping for another breath of Blair?
[caption id="" align="alignleft" width="230" caption="Go on, give him a little kiss - no one's looking"][/caption] If this proves but one thing it's either that pathological, incompetent Scottish politicians should be committed, or that socialism is undeniably flawed.
Ok so maybe it proves two things.
Whatever you conclude, you must agree: something ain't right!
Oh, dear. Minister for Chipmunks Hazel Blears has lashed out at Gordon Brown in the Observer. She has said that the government has suffered "lamentable failures" in communicating its message. Failure, yes, but hardly lamentable.
The quote that must puzzles us at KeepRightOnline is:
YouTube if you want to, but it is no substitute for knocking on doors or setting up a stall in the town centre.
Bloody hell, what an awful turn of phrase (albeit one that reminds the world what anniversary is coming up!).
We can imagine Blears not being a big fan of Gordon's Grin going viral pandemic, but it seems to be an accusation of Labour overusing new media: a suggestion that's bizarre to anyone that's ever sat down in front of a computer! They haven't over-used it: they have misused it, and often abused it.
Labour doesn't appeal to the burgeoning population that gets its news from the Internet. It is doing everything it can to put them off.
This morning, the Telegraph are reporting that up to twelve Blairites in the Labour Party have secretly discussed throwing their careers away defecting to the Liberal Democrats, citing a fear of a 'lurch to the left' to Lord Ashdown, former leader. [caption id="" align="aligncenter" width="200" caption="Looks like these rats are trying to find their way off the sinking ship"][/caption] Whilst current poster boy leader Nick Clegg has announced he knew nothing of these discussions (shock, horror), he has previously been known to authorise secret approaches to disillusioned Labour MPs.
So, this appears to be yet another smashing blow to Brown's sinking ship. Here at KeepRightOnline, we are eagerly awaiting the European Elections. Will they prove to be the straw that broke the camel's back?
Looks like something's more right in Labour than we thought!
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[/caption]Need we say more? Probably.
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[/caption]Is our political system really doomed? "Yes!" I hear you say, "Politicians only help themselves. Our economy is beyond repair, it's the end of capitalism!" Are people frantically twittering in the vain hope of warning Jesus of the looming apocalypse?
- Our government 
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Jack 'The Hack' Straw
David "Brains" Miliband
Peter "Guess who's back" Mandelson
Geoff "Buff" Hoon
Alistair "Ali D" Darling 
Andrew "Who?" Burnham 
Hazel "Chipmunk" Blears
Gordon "Bailout" Brown
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[/caption]A cruel form of divination for sure. But assuredly as accurate a means of predicting the future as examining the torn and scattered innards of mobile phones and laser printers in the Downing Street bunker. 
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